Sometimes comfort is knowing that you’re not alone in the world, that you’re not the only one who thinks and feels the way that you do. Contains: Comfort aide, Depression Aide, Empathizing, Anxiety Aide Another Bucky! I hope this audio makes sense and maybe helps some people. I say that because with Bucky I feel like his thoughts get disjointed and kind of are all over the place, so sometimes it’s hard for him to kind of reign it in. Also with trying to stay in character with how I feel Bucky would be like trying to give advice. I hope it translates well and I hope you all enjoy it! Also, there is a line in this script that I took and adapted a little bit from Episode 2 of Season 1 of the show Queer Eye, where Jonathan is talking about vulnerability that I thought really fit with this. I’ve bolded it in the script so you can see it. Also, does this mean Bucky watches Queer Eye? That’s for you to decide~~ . . . (The answer is yes) Bucky: I’m maybe not the best to be talking about this sort of thing…but I’m probably the one who should talk about it the most, you know? I may not completely understand what you’re thinking or what you’re going through–I don’t think anyone can completely empathize with someone else–but I think I get enough. I know what it’s like not to trust or even understand the thoughts that go through your own head. Sometimes, you don’t know what’s real….or what’s a fabrication, or what’s something you’ve made to protect yourself. Everything gets all jumbled up into a big giant mess and you can’t tell heads from tails. You don’t know what started off as something to protect yourself, and has now turned into the thing that’s tormenting you. I know what it’s like to have to live where it feels like absolutely nothing is in your control, even though you try so damn hard to make sure everything is. You go through every precaution, sacrificing even your own safety and happiness, and it happens anyway. I’m still getting used to doing things for myself…For so long….it was always Steve first…still is that way sometimes to be perfectly honest. It’s been that way for so long—even for the time that I wasn’t me–that it’s incredibly difficult to be anything else. I can’t show weakness in front of him, because if I do…he’ll notice, and he will 100% drop everything he’s doing and make sure whatever wronged me is beat down….*chuckles fondly but also a little wryly* Little Punk. And I can’t let that happen. Sorry, this probably doesn’t help you feel any better. I’m not trying to trump your worries, that’s not what I want…what’s a mountain to climb for me could be an anthill for you….and vice versa. It’s not fair to try to quantify it like so many people have. I get the….wanting the people who are important to believe that you’re ok, even though on the inside you’re anything but. It’s like the worry that, if you’re anything but good or ok….they won’t want anything to do with you anymore. You’ll be alone or people’s faith and trust won’t be put in you anymore….because you’re too unstable…so you have to pretend everything is fine all the time, even though it’s the absolute farthest thing from the truth. I’m fairly certain Steve was the only one who still wanted something to do with me, even after I had started to break out of the Winter Soldier Programming. The others have said…well….it’s hard to believe….and I don’t blame them. So….you’re not the only one who feels that way….you’re not alone in this, is what I’m trying to say. I don’t know if I have much advice about how to break yourself out of it, I’m still working on that myself to be honest. It’s not easy…to rewrite the emotional programming and the fear…but there are some things that help. Talking….even if it isn’t about the subject at hand….even if you don’t tell the person everything….just talking…expressing how you feel….even when it’s negative…especially when it’s negative. It gets you used to it, exposes yourself to your own emotions, so you don’t become blank to them. It’s a struggle to try to remind yourself that you’re capable and supposed to express the full range of human emotion. But I’m learning that if you try to numb yourself to the vulnerability, you also numb yourself to joy, happiness or connection. It’s hard….Hell near impossible, because you can’t have connection, joy or happiness without vulnerability. So take the time to allow yourself to be vulnerable, even if it’s just with yourself. Sometimes that’s an easier way to start… Just….try not to dwell too much, because I know how much of a downward spiral that can be. It’s a fine line to toe….but don’t fault yourself for falling to the wayside, sometimes because it happens. You don’t have to maximize the potential of every day, because you’ll just wear yourself out to nothing, believe me. Some days are just about getting through. We can get through this I think….