After everything, Bucky wants to be with Steve, but he doesn’t want to hurt him. Bucky knows himself, still doesn’t trust himself and the things inside of his head. Steve doesn’t agree, but thankfully, he comes up with a solution that works for both of them. It’s all about baby steps after all, isn’t it? Contains: Fluffy Porn, Feelings, Handjob, Mutual Masturbation, Slight Voyeurism, MLM, Mentions of Bondage, Light dirty Talk, PTSD, Panic Attack, Probably Butchered Russian(Sorry!) Hopefully I did Bucky justice! This version of Bucky is kind of my own headcanon so hopefully he doesn’t read/sound too OOC for you all. This was also kind of hard to write and figure out so that the narrative could be kind of followed/understood without Steve on the other side, because I know Steve would be huge into communication with Bucky and Bucky would be….not… so hopefully it’s easy-ish to understand! Hope you all like it! Also, rough translation for the Russian is in the transcript below! ~Audio Transcript Below~ Bucky: Steve, if we do this….you have to tie me up, bind my hands. I don’t want you to do something and have me freak out on you……again. It doesn’t matter. It’ll keep you safe. I know I can break it but it’ll help remind me not to. No to move, not to reach out and do something bad. I don’t want to do bad anymore Steve. Not to you. As long as….as long as I can see that it’s you…If I can’t it’ll…too much. N-No…I want to…I-I have to Steve. You don’t….*stops short* *pause* *deep sigh* I have to….so that I can erase all the bad things…the bad touches…I just need….I just need the memory of good touch, of your touch so that….*frustrated half sigh* *swallow* staying grounded in the present….here….now….with you. So I want it….I just….know me….and don’t want to hurt you. *chuckles ruefully* You could never hurt me Steve. I know that at least. You have to Steve. You have to tie me up. It’s the only way. Then you’re stupider than I remember, Stevie. *gasps* *pause, then whispers* Sorry What? We don’t?? Baby steps? I don’t know if you noticed Steve, but I’m a highly trained, highly volatile weaponized human. Not a baby. *flatly* You have an idea. Ok….what is it? *pause* *flatly* Of course I have…. Recently? *swallows* Y-yeah….couple of times….just kind of started back up….for a while I didn’t even….cause of…..you know…..But yeah…I’ve….*says it softer* Masturbated. Together? How would we? O-Oh….. B-But I mean…..we wouldn’t be….touching each other? Just ourselves? Oh. Baby steps…ok….I think I can….*swallows* I think I can do that. Um…yeah…if you don’t mind? Right…watch you…first. *swallows* Jesus Stevie…..even though I’m more used to you bein’ big now I don’t think I’d ever get used to that. *realizes what how he just sounded* Shit. I shouldn’t have–*stops short* Ok. Sorry. I’ll um *swallows* I’ll watch. *breathes, like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it* Fuck Steve….*chuckles ruefully* You’re like a wet dream come to life, huh? Now me? Ok. *hesitates* Right….slow….baby steps….I can do that. *takes a deep breath* *sound of pants being undone* *to himself*….all the way. Got distracted…*comes out wrong and a little flat* you’re distracting. *tries to correct it* Good distracting. Ok, I’ll keep going. *measured breath and exhaled* Yeah….. *soft slow pants and moans* *panting quickens* Oh….Shit…Steve…..You *chuckles* You still flush all over….just like before…. *still in like a half smirk but out of breath a little* Of course I remember. Embarrassed or worked up….or even sick…..you’d always flush all across your body…..didn’t think it’d reach to your cock though too. You like that? Well well well….who’d’ve thought Captain America would like dirty talk. *chuckles a little weakly* Yeah, yeah…..I’ll shut my mug. *Moans and pants* *after a few moments* I can see your eyes….they keep…..you like me watchin’ you too, huh? Yeah….of course I like watchin’ you Steve….it’s like….it’s *moans* It’s like a dream…. *starts to pant a little faster….more scared than sexy*….It’s not….it’s not a dream…is it Steve? I’m not…they didn’t…this isn’t….Пожалуйста, нет!(Please no!). не могу … не будет.(Can’t…won’t) простите …не протирать! простите простите! (Forgive….No wipe! forgive, forgive!) *Gasps* *panting* It’s-It’s not….You’re…..Steve…. *hugs* Oh thank God you’re here…..It’s not….not a dream. Not a dream—not a dream. *panting softens* I’m sorry I….I told you….your touch it….I *swallows* It keeps me here. I ruined it. *pause* We can? Are you— It does… So you’ll…..you’ll touch me? Y-Yes….Please. And me? Steve I don’t want to hurt— *pause* *softly* Ok….. Yeah….I’ll tell you….if it’s too much. You….first? Y-Yeah….slowly….. *quick gasp* *tightly* I’m ok….yes….I swear…..God Steve your hand….it’s…warm. T-tighter…please? Not gonna…not gonna hurt me….promise. *hisses through teeth* Ah….yeah…..like that… *soft barely audible pants* Y-yeah…it’s…it’s good. Y-You now? Are you sur–*gasps* Ok…yeah ok…..*whispers* Jesus Steve. *chuckles wistfully* Shut up…jerk. *slightly louder pants and moans, but nothing too loud* No-No..it’s good…better than that….great…hot….Jesus Stevie…..not gonna….last long… Y-You either? God….the mouth on you… *pants and moans start to crescendo, but still controlled* Steve….Steve….Steve.. *almost urgently* Steve! *One sharp gasp, then shuddered out breath, then light pants* *panting subsides* Yeah….that was…..good—Good Steve. Yeah…I swear…..Didn’t think about *stops short* Anything bad. Didn’t do anything bad either. Did I? Ok. It helped…..it really did Steve. I promise. You were right….Baby Steps. *kiss* Thank you.