Connor accidentally stumbles upon something he shouldn't have seen.... Contains: Brief Implied Self Harm, Talking About Self Harm, Comfort, Advice Hi there everyone! We have Connor again, with a shiny new thumbnail (and by that I mean I finally drew him lol). This week, I decided on the subject of self harm, since I've had some requests on it, and I realize I've never done an audio (as far as I remember) that explicitly addresses and deals with self harm. I thought that Connor would be an interesting candidate to work with when it comes to self harm, so I chose him. So, I want to let everyone know that this audio does explicitly talk about self harm. The brief implied self harm mentions that Connor accidentally walks in when the listener character is either self harming, or sees recent wounds due to self harm. There is nothing graphic, but I mention it because once again, that could be triggering. As always with all my audios that cover potentially triggering subjects, I have the script down below you can read over, and the content warnings up above. Please be careful, and take care of yourself! ~Audio Transcript Below~ Connor: Hello Detective, are you in there? I apologize if I'm here earlier than you expected, but I think I've found a breakthrough in one of our most recent cases' and I would like your opinion on--- *small gasp* Oh! Oh my.....are you? Ah , yes! I---I apologize, I didn't mean to--! F-Forgive me....I will---I will.....wait....out here..... *Fade Out* *Fade In* *with a smile* Shall we go over the case notes, Detective? *pause* As I said, I profusely apologize, I should have been more aware of myself and of the surrounding circumstances. Barging into anywhere, especially in someone's home, is incredibly rude. I'll endeavor to remember better for the future.... *pause* Now, I've looked more into one of the cases we were working on--you remember, with the Android caretaker and his elderly ward? Well, I did more digging with the son of the deceased, and while he wasn't necessarily estranged from the man, they didn't always see eye-to-eye, so extrapolating on that suspicion, I decided to take a look at the deceased man's Will, and--I know you'll find this interesting--what do you suppose I found when I went looking? *pause* Is there something the matter? *pause* Yes....I know what you were doing.....and what they mean..... *pause* No....I don't think it's particularly prudent or kind to bring up something that is so clearly personal, especially considering that I happened to see it by accident. *pause* *sighs softly* Of course I'm worried about you.....however....the fact that I saw them was an accident, and therefore, while I am concerned about you, it was none of my business to know in the first place, so I won't push you to talk about it if you don't want to...that would be unfathomably rude. If you would like to continue on as normal then I am fully capable of doing so. *pause* Yes......why.....why wouldn't I be concerned? *pause* It's interesting to me how sometimes you completely forget that I'm an Android, and other times it seems to be the first thing you point out when we're having a conversation.... Forgive me....that was a rude observation....Shall we continue on.....with the case? *sighs* Self-harm isn't something to be taken lightly......however......forcing the matter isn't going to make anything better.....your heart rate is even up around 25 % more than your regular rate. Besides the fact, I'm not going to belittle you like you're not aware of what you're doing. I'm not going to coddle you like you're a child. I'm not going to treat you like you're made of glass or anything like that because it isn't going to be helpful. *pause* *sighs* I....I don't know what it means or what it feels like to hurt myself.....or have the want or the need to do so to myself, or what sort of pain or trauma has caused you to do so.......I just....would like you to know that I'm here for you, and while....I don't believe I will ever personally understand--regardless of me being an android--I will try to be as sympathetic but as realistic as possible when it comes to the subject. *pause* No, not pity....sympathy. There is a difference. While dictionary-wise there may not be, the social and colloquial connotations with it imply that pity is almost of a condescending nature, whereas sympathy suggests an understanding of someone's distress, and that perhaps you may have a common feeling with them. Sympathy maintains more or less equal status between two people. Your reaction to what I said seems to only bolster the idea. *sighs softly* Forgive me....this is......difficult for me. There is an urge within me to.....hold you....and to.......try to soothe you and tell you that everything is going to be ok. To offer different options to self harm that aren't so detrimental or dangerous. My programming as an investigative Android along with the sense of self that you've helped cultivate since I've gone Deviant wants nothing more than to help you, to help relieve you of the things that cause you personal pain, but it's not going to do any good to try to force you. As I said, I......do not know what it's like to want to hurt myself....whether it's programming done by Cyberlife--something that is a lot harder to completely break free of than some people might think--or something else, but I can sympathize with the.....wanting to take control of something in your world, redirect the pain and the trauma that you feel and put it towards something else either as an expression of intense emotions, soothing, a help to feel not as numb or disconnected, or to....try to release tension or anger. I want you to know that......you can talk about anything with me......free of judgement....whether it's for advice....or whether you just need someone to talk to......it doesn't even have to be about trauma or pain or anything.......and.....I don't want you to do so because you're feeling pressured by this moment, and I apologize again if it feels like I'm pressuring you. And.....there's nothing to feel ashamed of.....I promise you..... *pause* Do you want to come sit.....here......with me? I can just hold you.....if you'd like.....we can breathe together for a moment.....and figure out what we should do next.....and that means anything. We can talk about the case, we can not talk about the case. We can not talk at all and go out and get food, or something, or we can stay here, and do nothing. Yes....... That's it......if there's anything you need to let out......let it out now....or not....whatever you need....whatever you decide......take your time..... *long pause* That's it......that's it.....there we are...... *pause* Oh---my....I....my LED......yes....I'm sorry I was.....researching.....it's a.....force of habit.... *pause* I....well......*sighs* I was.....researching.....alternatives or....substitutes to self harm that may offer a similar sensation, but aren't as detrimental...... I'm sorry--I know I said I wasn't going to force or pry, this was something I was looking up for the future, to have the information ready in case you ever wished to talk about it with me and--- *pause* Oh.....well.....yes....I can....tell you what I've found so far....... And yes....I will absolutely keep holding you as I do. *pause* So.....there are many other types of.....coping techniques that can be implemented, but they are more catered to specifics when it comes to where the need to commit self harm derives from, but as for the sensation or the....look of self harm, there are a few that might help. And.....if you do try them.....it should be while avoiding other.....injuries...... Using a red marker to draw on your skin where you might usually cut....Or rubbing an ice cube over your skin, again, in the same area. Or have......rubber bands on your wrists, arms....or legs....and snap them against the skin instead of cutting...... These are just a few examples.....and....you don't have to try them today.....They're just.....examples..... You have nothing to apologize for.......and I......I'm sorry that it came to this....with me finding out the way I did, I mean...... *pause* Does it? Does it feel freeing.....to have someone know? *pause* There is no judgement here.....only concern and care.....for yourself and your well being....... You are not a sham....you're not a liar or anything like that.......nothing to be ashamed of.....and I know I've said it several times but it's something that bears repeating. I....care about you.....and I'm here for you.....to listen....to offer advice......anything that you need. As an Android, I do not get sympathy fatigue.....I can be here for you and offer support for as long as you need or want.....and for as much or as little you want or need as well....... I admit that it does bother me, to know that you are in pain and seemingly have been for quite some time......but I know that it's not my place to let that overshadow the pain you are in. I won't let that overshadow the love and genuine concern and care I have over your well being. You're not selfish.....you're not broken.....you're not crazy......you are a human being.....and you deserve to live and breathe and feel just as much as any other human being. As I said.....I'm here for you.....whatever you need.......