I know a lot of you were probably hoping for something sexy from me considering the wording I used on the poll from yesterday, and I kind of hate to disappoint, but this isn't going to be that type of audio. Some of you may have seen the post I put up a couple of days ago talking about how stressed I was at my day job and how I literally had to walk into the back room and take a minute so I wouldn't absolutely flip out on the next customer I talked to, and I have to be honest, that entire work day was probably the most stressed and angry I've ever been at my day job in the three and a half years I've worked at it. It was an amalgamation of a lot of things, and it really went down to the fact that customers wanted things immediately, and were getting mad and frustrated at me for not being able to do them/finish them in the time that they wanted even though they knew/could visibly see how swamped I was. There were about 8 orders that I needed to get done that day, and about 13 total orders I had, and I couldn't feasibly get all 8 of the ones I needed to get done, done, I just couldn't, especially while I was being interrupted by walk in orders who wanted me to help them immediately. It was making my anxiety and my anger skyrocket as I literally didn't stop moving for most of my shift as I was running back and forth in between orders trying to get things done. By the time my shift was done, I was just sitting in my car breathing because I was so exhausted and still angry and anxious about the things that I hadn't finished and left over for the next person to come and work on. I always hate leaving things undone or half done when they need to be done, like it's really hard for me to just let go and let others finish what I started, even though I'm trying desperately to meet a timeline that someone told me NEEDS to be met. It sucks, and it sucked, and like I was so emotionally exhausted from it that the next day I only interacted with like three people because any more and I would have just fallen apart. I ranted on twitter just because I needed to tell SOMEONE and get it off my chest because the anger and fear and anxiety was all bottling up inside me and it needed an outlet or I was legitimately going to scream my absolute head off. I want to thank those who offered me well wishes and advice, especially one follower who answered to my shriek into the void with a reminder that really struck me once all was said and done and I was allowed to breathe. They said. "The one thing I remind myself and my new employees is that 'it's just ____'. It's just coffee, it's just some paper products, in the end, it's not going to kill anyone not having the perfect product. Sometimes we have to delay orders or work around something and life is just going to be like that! If someone wants to freak out over something that isn't life threatening then they need to sort out their own problems. It's not your fault, it's theirs." And it struck me because that is exactly the thing I struggle with the most. For the most part, I don't think I'm a perfectionist. There are plenty times when doing a job/making an audio, I go, "this is literally the best it's going to get and there's nothing I can do to change that" despite the fact that I can tell and it irritates me that it isn't perfect. But what drives me to such anxiety and stuff is the fact that I don't want to see incompetent/BAD at what I do. I take pride in being good at my day job. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm talking about and customers I've worked with on more than on occasion can attest to that. They take what I have to say and the advice that I offer seriously and I take pride in that. The same with the little community I've made here. I take pride in doing as well as I can with my audios, and offering advice when it comes to kink and stuff of that nature. It gets to me sometimes because I forget that not everything has to be perfect and that I've literally done the best that I can. My anxiety sometimes just screams at me, "Oh if only you had more time or worked more efficiently" or any other number of terrible things my brain tells me to ramp me up because it's an asshole. I think we all need to take a step back and remember sometimes, "It's just _____" For me, at my day job, "It's just copies, it's just business cards. The fact that they didn't have good time management skills and are taking it out on me says more about them then my skill and ability to get it done for them." Sometimes, "It's just an audio. You know your audience, and they love what you do" even though my brain still tells me sometimes, "This is it, this is the audio that they hate. This is your last ride, no one is going to like you after this." Which is ridiculous. I get wrapped up a lot in my own personal standards, and the day I took off from basically anything but rest and rehabilitation I think solidified the idea that yes, I am good at my job and the other things that I do, and yes, I do perform the best that I can, and sometimes that's all you really can do. And that's enough.