If The Walls Could Speak
Trying something a bit different. Based on the Who Killed Markiplier series: contains spoilers for WKM, minor ones in Wilford-mother lovin'- Warfstache and Damien. Contains: Fluctuating volume, audio manipulations, loud whispers. So what I was thinking: What if the Manor could speak to a chosen one living within it?
Play Count: 632
Super Heroes Helped Me
Thank goodness for fandoms when you're not feeling your best, am I right? I'm switching things up a little as I continue to work on my Broad Strokes series, trying to keep fresh and all that. In this one, I'm rambling about how much Super Heroes have impacted me growing up and so forth. I even attempted to script it this time. Check it out! ~* Rough transcript *~ As a kid, I grew up on action cartoons. Sure there was My Little Pony, Care Bears, Barbie or something that was supposed to be pitched toward impressionable girls like me, but it never held my interest for long. The DC and Marvel Universes were available on cable and I ate it up like it was my morning cereal. There was Batman, the animated series, which showed me the grittier side of cartoons and I loved it. I was sucked into the dynamic fights, the explosions, the character design of the villains, what Bruce Wayne was going through, everything. Superman was okay, but I definitely had a favorite by that time. I wanted to be Robin’s best friend as I jumped on the trampoline in the backyard, somehow share in his adventures with his father figure. I imagined getting caught up in a trap set by the Joker and I had to either bide my time and survive or somehow figure out how to get away. As I tried to go to sleep in my bed, I imagined myself being in the medical wing of the Xavier Mansion with Logan/Wolverine at my side, growling to himself because Sabertooth got to me and he wasn’t fast enough to protect me. Then there was Spiderman, I wanted to be just as nimble and acrobatic as he was, to fly through the air like that without fear. Super Heros in Animes were part of it too. If it had an exciting fight sequence, I was all over it. When I discovered Dragon Ball Z thanks to Toonami, I became obsessed very quickly. These characters that can fly and shoot plasma beams from their hands, are you kidding me? It was the coolest thing ever! Sailor Moon was pretty close on the docket for dynamic shows, I certainly appreciated the serious tones that the show provided. My first Bishi Crush was from that show, Nephlite, the renegade general with the flowing long hair and piercing blue eyes, who met a tragic end. I had seen most of the DBZ movies and I had a couple of their video games. I wanted to be a Z-fighter so bad. I wanted to marry Trunks, the hero from the future and help him protect his timeline. When I lost my dad at age 20, my Z fighters were still there. A friend of mine found a Bulma and Chiaotzu action figures to help keep my spirits up. It was a weird few years after that. It seemed like I was going to funeral after funeral as relatives of my friends were dying off as well. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, my ex-boyfriend lost his dad too and I felt so sorry for him. As I got older and more movies were coming out, I wanted to see them. Star Wars, Daredevil, The Mummy, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, Harry Potter, Star Trek everything. It took me a few years to realize Constantine was from the DC Universe and I was delighted; I had the ignorance that the Keanu Reeves Constantine was an original work. I was glad to be wrong on that account. I’m not knocking Reeves’ performance, mind you, it was still a really cool movie. I was just happy that there was more to Constantine’s character and there was more to discover about him. I fell pretty hard for the guy. When I learned he was Bisexual, I felt so validated, you have no idea. At first I thought it was another tumblr headcanon so I took it with a grain of salt at first; then I learned it was true and I was like, “YES! MY DUDE! Damn that feels good!” I’ll even include Harry Dresden by Jim Butcher on this list. He may not consider himself a hero, but I certainly do. Any man who sees a job through, despite how it hurts him physically or emotionally, is a big goddamn hero in my book. Maybe not the healthiest of mindsets, but I have a weakness for dark and broody types. I blame Batman for this. Dresden, Constantine and Dr. Strange were all my Wizard Crushes; freaking curmudgeons. A recent fandom I’ve found myself in would be between Boko No Hero Academia and Overwatch, given the past year. I’ve watched all that streaming sites would let me, I tracked down every cinematic trailer, I even bought the game despite the fact that I suffer greatly in first-person shooter games. I had been a fan of the fandom of Overwatch first, if that makes sense. I saw all sorts of fan-comics and fan-arts regarding that universe. At first I thought Hanzo would be my husbando, given that he fits the tragic trope that I often enjoy in a character. And then came the cowboy, Jesse “Bad Mo-Fo” McCree. He snuck into my fangirl heart without me realizing. Perhaps it was the ship with Hanzo that helped me warm up to the guy. There was certainly a charm to the sharp-shooter, and Matt Mercer’s voice didn’t hurt either. I watched every My Hero Academia episode with my husband. I remember us lounging in our bedroom as the episodes were streamed onto our TV. I can still hear my husband being amused as I squealed and kicked my feet under the covers excitedly as these action packed scenes would unfold. “THIS IS SO COOL!” I’d nearly shout- I had to mind my volume since we lived in an apartment, but perhaps I didn’t try as much as I should have. Lol. And then... tragedy struck. At age 30, I lost my husband to suicide and all of a sudden it felt like I was trapped in a crumbling building and my body was too numb to feel it collapse around me. I had blamed myself for months; knowing somehow I dropped the ball somehow. I was supposed to save him from such thoughts, we were supposed to be old together, we were supposed to have children together. I was sure I said something tactless and didn’t reassure him properly before I lost him the next day. I was sure it was my fault somehow... It was the only thing that made sense to me. I didn’t reach out in time and he fell when I wasn’t looking. He had stayed home for two weeks, being afraid to go into work. I offered what understanding I could, I made calls when he asked and I ran errands when he felt too tired to go out. We had a couple outings as a couple as the last weeks of October dragged along. He felt guilty for causing me to be worried, now that I look back on it. We watched TED Talks together, discussing self value, self love and tips in how to rewire the mind. We even tried exercise, for a day. But it wasn’t enough. I blamed myself for dropping my guard, for trusting him too easily despite the state he told me he was in. I hated myself for not reaching out to his family, even though my husband hesitated to talk to them about personal issues. He had appointments with a counselor and a psychiatrist. But something pushed him over the edge and I will never know, which kills me. As I helped make decisions for the funeral arrangements, I found myself going back and forth between cities that were a two hour’s drive apart. I had to return home for a day because I had my first counselor appointment, which was poetic considering the trauma I went through. Originally I wanted to talk with her regarding my adaption and anxiety issues and maybe figure out why it was so hard for me to communicate with other people and my own self worth problems. I broke down in tears as I explained why I needed a counselor, the original and current reason combined. I ended up using the rest of her kleenex box as I tried to work through the beginning stages of my grief. Cathartic, but exhausting. Having trained myself in being a fast food delivery driver back in Texas, I knew how to drive while in emotional distress, so I managed okay. I came back to my apartment, my mother (who flew from Arkansas to Canada at a near moment’s notice for me) was in my guest room. I decided to stretch out on my couch and watch Youtube for a few hours as my emotions balanced out. Then I saw it. After a few queued up episodes of my usual creators and a couple dozing sessions, I found an Overwatch Cinematic Trailer, it was brand new and I recognized the face on the video card. It was Jesse McCree in “Reunion.” I was still feeling tired and indifferent, but I clicked the video anyway, and to this day I’m still amazed how much of a difference it made. The animation, the detail in McCree’s features as he spoke, the fluidity of his movement; not to mention the action packed scene that followed. Hanzo and Genji’s trailer was my favorite before Jesse had his little mini movie show up. McCree winked so cheekily, and yet it caused a spark to ignite in my chest. A fluttery feeling that bubbled into excitement, because I’ve watched enough action shows to anticipate what was going to happen next. It was like he was flirting with me and I got flustered suddenly- I was fangirling on the most subtle level, but it was happening. As he fought his way through the Deadlock Gang, I felt engaged and emersed, I was connecting to something for the first time in weeks. I actually laughed, though tiredly, when McCree was riding a motorcycle toward the camera with that “Nothin’ can touch me,” smirk. Those eight minutes changed my mood for a while; it was like I finally caught hold onto some solid land after trudging through a vast pit of quicksand. For a few minutes, I felt “Normal.” Some time later, I discovered Role Play ASMR videos on Youtube, and there was an Overwatch series I ended up liking. Anything and everything McCree, I wanted to see and hear it at first. I remembered that there was a Voice Actor on tumblr that did a very good impression of McCree, so I did my best to find him. Which I did, thankfully. This was right before the whole Tumblr Apocalypse thing, in fact, I think it was the night before by the time I found this dude. Luckily he backed his recordings onto Wordpress and Soundgasm, so I could still access his work when I felt like I needed it. At this point, I couldn’t listen to my husband’s voice on his own recorded material for some reason. I would just shut down and cry when I attempted, it bothered me to hear him, and I felt like a jerk for it. My husband’s mind and voice were one of the first things I fell in love with about him. Now I can barely listen to his old youtube videos without sobbing. Mind you, I managed through his Limbo Let’s Play series, in fact I fell asleep to it I think. So there is progress there. At least it felt like Jesse McCree was giving me a hand so I could stand up. As silly as that sounds, surely. As money started to come in, through insurances and bank accounts being transferred, I decided to give myself a christmas present and buy the Overwatch game while it was on sale. I trained with the AI and kept away from voice chats when I merged with the other players. Overwatch was my Zen place for a while, for when I felt like I didn’t have the emotional strength to deal with the day, I at least had my heros on my computer to keep me company for a while. This is where my name “Specter” comes from, because it’s my battletag and an OC I’m developing for the Overwatch universe. I eventually went back to the My Hero Academia fandom too, finding what I could on youtube and finding immersive works so I could at least pretend I was being useful to society. I had a new found respect for All Might and Mr. Aizawa. My emotional state was more like All Might’s scar on his ribcage. Like a piece of me was ripped out brutally and I’ve been struggling to keep strong ever since. The kids in that show certainly give me hope. I’ve practically adopted all of Class 1-A in my mind, they are my children now. I’m kidding of course. Hitoshi Shinsou is my child. My very tired looking son. Ha, I wish. I’ve made a couple OCs for that universe too, because why not. Character Designs and backstories help me relax after all. I admire Super Heros for so many reasons. When you’re a kid, it’s a sculpting moment where you learn the ideals of right and wrong and to stand your ground no matter what fate throws at you. When you’re a teen, heroes are the vicarious vessel that helps you envision something more in your control, or visual advice in how to deal with a situation. As an adult, it feels more like a reassurance, that feeling where you can let out a breath and know things are going to be okay for a while. Heroes give me feet to stand on lately. The troubles they go through, I go through with them. And through their determination, I think I can find the strength to move forward too. Depression and Anxiety are my antagonists, and I will meet them on the battlefield every time. For the most part, I think I’ll be okay. Why? Because I am here.
Play Count: 1315
Heather's Broad Strokes: Hannah and James Rated PG-13
Hello again! A Heads Up: I start things off describing a near accident on a snowy road, if you are sensitive or triggered by automobile accidents/or close calls, you can skip to the timestamp 4:50 and we'll get started. Also, I apologize for the metallic sound to my voice in parts; I may have been a little heavy-handed in the audio clean up. This episode is dedicated to Hannah Hexseer (Occultist/researcher) and James McKorvo (gunslinger); a brief history of their character inspiration and development. Taking place in the Pathfinder Universe, the Strange Eons adventure path (loosely based). Originally recorded Jan. 1, 2019
Play Count: 391
Heather's Broad Strokes: Kasnas and Brunsk
For those who do not attend RPGMP3.com, I was introduced to a gaming community by my late husband. This series is my attempt at some kind of podcast/monologue project describing the characters that my husband and I created together. If you don't mind listening to someone rambling as I attempt to convey unscripted thoughts for now, then I'll be glad to entertain you for a while. Because these are unscripted, I think it would be difficult to submit something to read along with. However, as my confidence grows, maybe I'll attempt to be a bit more professional. I get that the owner of the RPGMP3.com website is busy and he's done a great deal for me overall, but I also wanted to post here because I like anything I make to be readily provided and easily shared. I'm not expecting a following, this is more of a catharsis for me anyway. As a head's up: This story features a character who was neglected and abused as a child, though it's mentioned briefly at some points. These stories take place in the Pathfinder Universe, which is Dungeon and Dragon's baby brother in a way. I'll be referencing NPC's that are provided in the adventuring material rather casually, so if that causes confusion, you'll know why. If you have questions to clarify or would want to send me feedback, I have a twitter account: https://twitter.com/HRHLockhart and I am probably one of the few that still have a tumblr account: http://leucoray.tumblr.com/
Play Count: 599