Her boyfriend is heading off for a two-week trip. In their rushed goodbye, she gives him a quickie that ends almost instantly. When he starts spiraling about his performance and size, she soothes him with gentle reassurance: it’s normal and big ones are overrated and would just hurt. She sends him off with kisses and a sweet reminder to check his voicemail if she calls mid-flight. When he lands, he finds seven new messages waiting — each one equally devastating as the last.